Legends of Tomorrow: Swan Thong


Oh yeah, at least a few of them DO have costumes, don’t they? 

The entertaining misfits that make up the Legends of Tomorrow are a lot of fun to watch. They’re not exactly a serious show, breaking the fourth wall at random, making all sorts of in-jokes, yet still managing to save the world, history, or time itself on occasion. They’ve had a bumpy ride, even for them, in their fifth season, which finally comes to an end with “Swan Thong.” They’ve already lost Ray and Nora this season, but it appears that at least one more Legend won’t be back next season. This is a season finale, so there will be spoilers. Read on at your own risk.

Last episode, Charlie desperately tried to hide her friends from her sisters, scattering them through a variety of television shows. That might have been my favorite individual episode of the series. But, the Legends being who they are, they escaped from the unusual prison and decided to take the fight to the Fates. Considering they are almost all non-powered characters, that’s a fairly bold move, but they’re good at that kind of thing. While Charlie reluctantly rejoins her sisters in the Temple of the Fates, the Legends check out this joyless dystopia of a world. taking advantage of their odd celebrity in this time and place, they make some trades to be less noticeable, and reunite with Mona and Gary. The team splits up, part of them going to the Forbidden Dump, searching for the Waverider amidst such contraband as massage chairs and toys. The others are making yet another attempt to get the Loom of Fate (which just never seems to work out for them), and make Sara’s new limitation into an advantage when fighting some guards.

In the Temple, the petitioners ask for various, mostly simple things, but one heartfelt requests blows Charlie’s attempt to keep the Legends’ escape secret. She tries to explain the whole “screwing things up for the better” motto, but Lachesis isn’t buying it. They argue about peace versus chaos, which seems to be the main argument behind the Fates’ New Order. Charlie lets herself get browbeaten back into “her place” as the Legends find the Loom. Eventually, the other team finds the hidden, discarded Waverider, after which Mick leaves to go find Lita. The others find Gideon has been ripped out of the ship, and come up with a unique way around the problem, while John Constantine and Astra talk about how to get the magic they need going.

As Behrad and Zari 2.0 sneak around the Temple, Sara finds Atropos. They fight and share philosophies about scars while John and Astra make with the magic. Astra has to draw on some painful memories and resist some meddling with her mind, but she didn’t survive in Hell for years by being weak. Behrad and Zari 2.0 do some Totem Team Up action to help Sara with Atropos. The team gets an unexpected win, largely though Sara making a creative use of a connection that was accidentally established. The team ends up back on the Waverider, and it looks like all is well… until they figure out that Lachesis just won’t quit and slithered her way into power again. After an amusing fake commercial, the team ends up at a History Museum with exhibits set up a bit like the Flash Museum of comics and tv fame. There are sections for Good Ideas, Bad Ideas, and a special Hall of Villains, where Ava is “weirdly offended” that the Legends are only number two. First place, of course, goes to Charlie, who is apparently imprisoned in the exhibit. It’s a really less fun remake of Night at the Museum. While the team tries to figure out what to do, Behrad starts suffering some side effects from his dual timelines.

Astra and John Constantine drink to their troubles and her mother, because that’s going to help at this point. The team tries to talk Charlie out of her beaten-down state, but doesn’t have a lot of luck. Behrad and the Zaris team up to trace down the new replacement for the Loom, while Zari 1 makes an observation that has Zari 2 feeling very uncomfortable. They finally find the source, and we see what’s happened to Gideon. It’s not good. Because it’s the Legends, things devolve into a nasty fight in the museum, with the team fighting several of the Encores (Courtney Ford makes a sadly brief return, not as Nora, but as Marie Antionette). Amusingly, not only is the Thong Song in the Hall of Bad Ideas and the soundtrack for the fight, but Sisqo, the artist that made it a hit, does a cameo. The Zaris come up with some clever hacks while Lita talks some sense into Charlie, and does it really, really well. That kid has so much potential.

Finally, the bad guy is beaten, free will is restored, and all’s good, right? Of course not. Gideon is either glitchy or has some serious memory loss going, which could be very problematic for the future. Behrad’s problems get worse, so someone has to make a sacrifice, and Nate really does seem to be cursed in the love life department. Things end with a rockin’ party with Charlie’s old punk band, back from the dead (but who hasn’t been, ponders a drunk Nate). The surprises aren’t quite done. A Legend resigns, but that’s still not enough. As the group is about to leave for one of their well-earned but almost never taken vacations, there’s a hint at what’s coming for next season, which starts off with a surprising cliché that’s going to be hard for the team to deal with, when they notice. It’s a hell of an ending for the finale, but Legends is one of only two shows that managed to finish their full season. The other is Black Lightning, as both shows have smaller seasons than Flash, Arrow (RIP), and Batwoman.


What I liked: They manage to range from silly to some actual character development to some tragic events, and make it all fit in really well. I can’t believe they got Sisqo to come do that, and that he was such a good sport about it. It was nice seeing Courtney Ford for a moment or two, but it really made me miss Ray again. It was also nice to have Mona back for a bit. Lita did really well.


What I didn’t: For someone so powerful, Atropos went down kind of easily. Lachesis just kept oozing out from under everything, and I’m worried she will again. The resignation near the end felt like it came out of nowhere.


It was a fun and mostly good wrap up. I’ll give the episode a 3.5 out of 5, and the season a 3 out of 5. At some point, and who knows when with time travelers, the Legends will return for another season.