Usually, when I review a comic book issue, it’s because it was particularly good. Sometimes, there are exceptions. This is one of those times, but it comes with a story.

Like many of the comic book faithful, I go to my local shop each Wednesday to see what’s come out, pick up my subscription, and wander the shelves to see if anything else catches my eye. Sometimes I pick up a limited series when the idea grabs me, but occasionally I forget to sign up for them, and miss an issue. This happened, and I asked them to find the missing one for me, which they’re usually great about. This time, the two staffers looked at each other, and asked, “Are you sure?” They told me this was an epically bad issue, that it was universally loathed by everyone who had read it they knew of, and supposedly at least one of the creative team had actually apologized for the issue. I wanted to get the complete run, and they were making me curious. It couldn’t be that bad, could it?

Yes, it could.

Miles Morales, the Spider-Man from the Ultimate Universe who has jumped to the main Marvel universe, and was the star of the truly amazing Into the Spider-Verse, had gotten a 5 issue limited series in the old What If… format, with Miles stepping into the roles of various major Marvel characters. Some of them were pretty good. This isn’t one of those. What follows is my review of What If… Miles Morales became Thor? The answer is, nothing good.

I don’t know who okayed this story, but I seriously question their judgement. It’s a weird story from the little elements to the big pieces. Asgard has sneakers hanging off phone lines (do they have phones? We never find out), Sif is one of the Warriors Three, and can fly (looking a bit like Layla from the Moon Knight show, and calling herself Hot Wings), and Mjolnir is covered in graffiti. Thor, in combat, says “Now, that was a banger” as he hits someone with his hammer. The story itself is a bad retread of Loki (this time Odin’s brother, not son) trying once again to assassinate the All-Father. It doesn’t work, but Thor doesn’t really come out as a hero due to Loki’s scheming.

What I Liked: Um. I’m sorry, nothing. I like Miles, this series has been good, and I really enjoy a good Thor story. This wasn’t one.

What I Didn’t: Thor comes across like an idiot trying too hard to be cool, Odin is a jerk, Loki is just oily and annoying instead of actually evil. It’s like the writer was just trying too hard on every front, and absolutely nothing worked.

For those who haven’t read this, I can’t really recommend trying. I’m giving this a very rare 1 out of 5. Now I’m going to do my best to forget I read it.