Welcome back to Comic Book Classics Revisited – a place we like to give detailed annotations of comics from a bygone age.  We’ve reach the fourth issue of Marvel’s 80s mega-event, Secret Wars.

In the first three issues, a large number of Marvel’s heroes and villains were transported to a patchwork planet called Battleworld and given only one message from a mysterious, godlike being known as the Beyonder: Slay your enemies and your greatest desires will be granted…  The villains, naturally, went on the offensive first, but they were sloppy and not well-organized so they suffered a defeat.  The heroes are currently only slightly better organized with some inner issues with the X-Men and other heroes.  Once Doctor Doom took over the reins of the villains, they got a little better organized and struck again, this time, the heroes were forced to retreat with the villains looking to destroy the heroes’ base!

BUH-WUH-WHOOM! There goes the heroes’ headquarters!  However, as the villains later pick through the ruins of the base, they find the heroes have all escaped.  It’s revealed that it was Molecule Man who collapsed the heroes’ headquarters, which makes Volcana even sweeter on him.  But it’s soon back to business as Dr. Octopus uses some alien goggles to see the heroes are on the move about five miles away.  Instead of trying to salvage a heavy cannon, Titania and the Wrecking Crew just decide to throw shit at the heroes.  When a few of the other villains want to pursue, Molecule Man decides to show off a little more to his new admirer by picking up a mountain range with the plan to drop it on the heroes.

At the heroes’ regrouping spot, all but Thor and the X-Men, who all left before the battle started, are accounted for, but some are unconscious and some are hurt.  Spider-Man comes to in time to warn of danger from above (thanks to his Spidey Sense).  With the Hulk unable to safely put down the injured he’s carrying in time to knock the Titania-launched equipment, it takes a perfect shot by Hawkeye to split the equipment and another great shot by Iron Man to deflect the falling debris to keep them safe.  However, it’s not quite enough as the mountains picked up by Molecule Man is next.  That does not get split or deflected.  The villains, looking on, celebrate Molecule Man’s move, but Doom is not so sure that they’ve won so easily.

Half a world away, Thor and Enchantress are talking about what she would ask from the Beyonder (which is basically for Thor to love her).  As he tries to teach her about what she should do with all her beauty and power, the shockwave of the mountain crushing his comrades is felt, forcing them to return where they came from.  But that causes them to appear in the midst of the villains.  Thor wants to know what happened, and Doom pretty much says his pals are deadsville.  He offers Thor a chance to surrender peacefully and receive a merciful death.  Thor declines and he starts fighting thirteen villains at once which goes well for a bit until Doom reveals that he designed a disintegrator ray for Ultron when he reactivated him.  Thor’s apparently reduced to a pile of ash.  Not knowing what’s going on with the X-Men, Magneto, and Galactus, Doom takes his guys back to Doombase.  Not before turning Ultron on Kang to make him pay for trying to kill Doom in issue #1.

(Oh, and we do see that Thor is simply hiding and not actually disintegrated.)

As for the X-Men, they are still on their way to Magneto’s fortress.  As they are on their way, Colossus laments not being near his beloved Kitty Pryde.  He talks about the dreams he had of the two of them being finished.  Dreams of her walking through walls, chilling on the floor in a flashdance-inspired get-up, and them getting married all finished now.  In fact, all the X-Men are troubled by their current situations.  Well, Wolverine is pretty  much excited about being able to fight in a war that he doesn’t have to be restrained, but everyone else have a lot of stuff on their minds.

When the X-Men arrive at Magneto’s Love Shack, Mags tells them he and Wasp have already started talking about what should be done in this war.  He doesn’t mind joining up with the X-Men, but he knows that for the war to be truly won, they must literally slay their enemies that could also include Captain America and the other heroes should they oppose them.  Wasp reveals she was playing Magneto the whole time (and actually goes so far to call him the worst thing since Hitler – that’s probably a pretty sore subject for Mags).  She escapes and a second reference to Hitler being a bad dude is made when Professor X tells Magneto that he used his power to mess with Spider-Man to not delay their own exodus.

Under that mountain range dropped on the heroes by Molecule Man, we learn that the heroes did not perish, but are being saved by the Hulk holding the mountain so that it doesn’t smash them, but time is running than before he loses it.  Reed Richards collects some items from some of the other heroes in an attempt to blast them out.  While Richards works on that, Hawkeye, being the dick he is, tells the Hulk he’s only good for being a brute which probably doesn’t help the situation since the “brute” is keeping everyone alive, but okay, Hawkeye, do it your way.  They do get themselves blasted out, and Cap sends Captain Marvel out to find food, shelter, and medical supplies for the heroes.  She finds a village full of innocents that may provide the very things the heroes need.

The heroes arrive at the village, which is in the valley below the very mountaintop Galactus is perched, and meet a female alien who is able to heal with her hands.  As Ben and Reed discuss whether or not being this close to Galactus is such a great idea, Ben suddenly changes back into the Thing.  Reed has an idea why, but he’s afraid it’s not good news for his best friend.  After Ben leaves to try to find a place to rest, Reed notices Galactus moves which signals a very, very bad sign for everyone on Battleworld!

There’s not much here to talk about this issue, in all honesty.  Really, it’s just small moments.  Wasp’s reveal that she’s playing Magneto probably cools the jets of female fans by remarking that she’s not just some dumb chick easily rolled by a good kisser.  Another small moment that is flat-out hilarious is when Titania takes on Thor, and he just tosses her for miles.  That always makes me laugh.  I mean, it looks like that episode of The Simpsons when they used a catapult to toss a guy out-of-town.

Perhaps the biggest thing to talk about in this issue is the Hulk.  This issue has been often mentioned as one of the top moments in the character’s history.  Think about it for a second.  How strong is the Hulk?  Well, if strong enough to hold a mountain range up from crushing the heroes is any indication, I’d say he’s pretty strong.  The cover alone (with the image I used as this article’s header image), is awesome.  It’s one of the first things I think of when I hear the word “Hulk”.

That just about does it for this issue of Secret Wars.  Come back on Monday and we’ll head into issue #5 and answer the question about what’s Galactus beginning to do on top of that mountain!