Oh snap, here’s our first Geek post! Let’s do it!
Here we go again, folks. The old is new again because… well, nobody is willing to risk hundreds of millions of dollars on new ideas… except maybe Disney. Huh. Didn’t see that coming.
So what do we have here in this first Jurassic Park sequel since… I dunno, 2001? Pretty much more of the same, except the new dinosaur just seems to be a really big T-Rex. That doesn’t seem too exciting, but maybe they have some surprises in store for us, but my instinct tells me no, she’ll just be bigger, badder, and smarter than previous dinosaurs. What I do like is the fact that the park is open and there are civilians everywhere. Of course, Jaws 3D tried the same thing and it’s kinda the worst movie ever, so who knows.
There’s Tomorrowland, and I gotta be honest with ya, this one looks pretty good. It looks like we’ve got some new ideas here and commentary on the world, but I am not happy that the protagonist is a special snowflake in the tradition of Harry Potter, Percy Jackson and a million other things aimed at the YA Genre loving folks. (Not to mention The Matrix, Star Wars and a million other stories.) “We’ve been looking for someone like you for a very long time.” “He thinks you can fix the future.”– oy. Anyway, I’m kinda sick of this hero’s journey, but I’m still willing to see this given that it’s a Brad Bird jam and the trailer is hotness.
And then there’s having contempt for your audience:
“Remember all that stuff from the first two Terminator movies? Well, each time out, we’re going to tell you to go f@ck yourself harder and this time, it’s the HARDEST!”
Yeah, so now they’re just retconning everything into one glorious time paradox? I guess? So do any of the previous movies count anymore? I have no friggin’ idea and based on this trailer, I don’t care to find out. “The Rules have been reset” is just a nice way to say, “Hey, you. Yeah, you! YOUR MOM, buddy! F@ck your mother, you son of a bitch!” See, when the new Sara Connor says, “We can stop judgement day from happening, I just want to punch this movie in the face because there are already two movies about that, the second of which clearly spelled out (as did the subsequent sequel, Salvation) that judgment day is inevitable, so WHAT THE F@CK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!? And did they really need to put “I’ll be back” in the trailer? Are they that concerned that there’s no audience for this movie that they need to assure us that the catchphrase is in the movie? It’s all very, “Yeah, we retconning everything, but this’ll be just like the Terminator movies you like, we swear! Arnold’s back! And he’ll say it! He’ll say the line!”
This is looking very meh. When does Captain America 3 come out? Not soon enough. Tomorrowland aside, I don’t have super high hopes for geek movies going forward. Oh, well, there is Star Wars this winter, that’s something!
I think we’ll all be best served by pinning our hopes to that.