“All Happy Families Are Alike” – Gotham episode review

Free at last!  Gotham’first season is finally, mercifully over.  Praise Thor Almighty!!!

(In case that’s not clear enough… I’m saying I didn’t like it.)

Try to count how many times anyone could have killed Don Falcone if they’d just stop monologuing!

But they can’t, you see… they WON’T.

And how funny was Jim’s shoot out in the hallway of the hospital?  He sprayed the area with bullets and hit no one and instantly ran out of bullets, but his trusty handgun just wouldn’t quit – for some reason, then he was able to hit someone, but not before.

Remember when Fish got shot breaking out of the Doll Maker’s island?  Neither do the writers.  And Penguin seemed to have forgotten he was shot immediately after it happened.

Moving on…

Yeah, Barbara is crazy – not exactly a news flash, but apparently she killed her parents, not the Ogre.  Kinda hard to accept that she ends up with Jim at this point, huh?  Unless they say she’s been brainwashed or some BS, but still, it’s kinda hard to walk back a homicide of two defenseless elderly folks who are your parents.

And since she told Leslie, now she has to kill her… so why’d she tell her?  And why is she going to kill her in her own apartment?  That seems like a tough one to wiggle out of… oh, and Barbara went crazy because her parents took her posters away?  Esh.

And what the hell happened during those two stupid weeks that made Selina, a child, a lieutenant of Fish’s?  The kid was walking around with a shotgun, for Thor’s sake!

Blah, blah, blah, Ed’s the Riddler, he’s crazy, we know, we know…

I can’t sit here and recount the continuity errors, plot thread drops and intense dopiness that is this episode.  I can’t.  (This is as good a list as any.) It’d take too long and if you’re reading this, you saw the episode, so you know.  You can never unsee that season finale.

This is where we part ways, Gotham.  It’s going to take the most amazing season 2 trailer EVER to bring me back, and I just don’t see that happening.  The writers have been laughing at me for too long… it’s time to bounce.

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One thought on ““All Happy Families Are Alike” – Gotham episode review

  1. ANSWERING io9’S QUESTIONS:
    http://io9.com/36-questions-about-last-night-s-completely-ridiculous-g-1702278368

    1. What the hell happened to Fish Mooney that she had to return to Gotham City in a dinghy?
    she crashed the helicopter she was flying the last time we saw her because she was bleeding to death from the gunshot wound

    2. What the hell happened to Fish Mooney’s hair?
    I don’t know, but Selina liked it enough to emulate it but couldn’t fully commit.

    3. What about Fish’s circumstances have changed from when she was chased out of Gotham? She strides in like a conquering hero, but she has maybe three dudes from Dollmaker’s place working for her, and that’s it. She has no resources to fight Maroni, Falcone or even Penguin.
    Y’know, she’s resourceful… uhm… yeah, i don’t know, but in the cascade of errors in this episode, this one is the most excusable

    4. Why would Selina Kyle choose to join the fighting force of a woman who is determined to almost single-handedly take on Gotham’s mobs, but literally rowed up minutes before in a goddamned rowboat?
    Why would Fish wan her? She’s a baby, for God’s sake! What is she, 12?

    5. Why was Don Falcone attempting to purchase a live chicken?
    Because they showed he had a chicken coup at his house like 6 months ago in a five second scene – don’t you remember that?

    6. How did Don Maroni’s men know Falcone would be buying a live chicken at that time and place?
    I think the better question is why they blew up his car instead of HIM!

    7. Who on Maroni’s team thought it was necessary to bring a rocket launcher to Falcone’s chicken-purchase?
    I thought they were done f@cking around… until they missed him completely.

    8. How does the entire Gotham City police force get informed that they are no longer working for Don Falcone, but instead Don Maroni?
    HA! Email:
    TO: ALL GCPD
    FROM: Loeb
    RE: There’s a new sheriff in town! (And it’s the crazy Don Marone guy who is not, in fact, a sheriff – just to be clear.)

    9. Did Commissioner Loeb have to send out a memo or something?
    EMAIL!!!

    10. Why does Gordon think he’s done in Gotham after the mob war?
    Because it sounds dramatic – drama first, sense second – that is the way of GOTHAM!

    11. Why would Penguin decide to visit Falcone in the hospital even to gloat, when he’s know Maroni’s men are on their way and probably want to kill him at least as much as Falcone?
    because the writers couldn’t think of another way to get everyone together because they’re LAZY!

    12. When Gordon stops Penguin from killing Falcone and chains Penguin up to be killed by Maroni’s goons, how did Gordon not realize the favor he owed the Penguin was probably going to come up?
    If he’s arresting Penguin, why does he even have to honor it? Only this show…

    13. Also, wasn’t Gordon supposed to be “a good cop” at some point on this show? He’s beaten suspects, made copious deals with copious criminals, and was literally about to leave two people to be killed before one of them reminded him he owed him a favor. Jesus.
    This show is all about doing whatever because who gives a sh@t.

    14. And how is Gordon so callous as to leave people to be brutally murdered, but so honorable as to abide by the code of the “I owe you one”? It’s so damn weird.
    It’s not weird, it’s just lazy writing. here’s a cast of actors that NEVER questions their character’s motivation. This show makes me long for Agent Carter! (and that’s not a good thing)

    15. How many times do Gordon, Falcone, Penguin and Bullock (who joins them shortly) get captured by various bad guys but escape only to be immediately captured by bad guys again in last night’s episode? I actually know the answer to this one: Several thousand times.
    because that’s exciting! right? weren’t you excited watching that? riiiiiiiiiiight?!?

    16. What the hell happened to Selina’s hair? Was Fish aggravated it wasn’t ridiculous enough?
    see answer to #2

    17. What the hell was Ben McKenzie doing with his face when he was trying to get Cat to free him in front of Fish, her new, well-armed boss? If anyone has screencaps of these I would be MOST appreciative.
    that was McKenzie’s “let’s just get this over with” face

    18. After Fish has offered Maroni the captured Falcone to off at his leisure, why would Maroni decide it was more important to antagonize the crazy woman that just did him a huge favor and who is also holding weapons instead of his long-time, completely helpless foe Falcone?
    I guess the writers were trying to illustrate their point that Maroni was a hot head who couldn’t be trusted… I guess

    19. Corollary: Who calls a woman — a single, solitary woman — “babes”?
    the writers on this show just make shiz up – it’s what they do

    20. Corollary to the corollary: Why does Don Maroni call Fish “Babes” repeatedly, when it clearly pisses her off and she’s carrying a gun?
    i think you covered this in 18, but you’re not wrong

    21. Who at Gotham wrote down the word “Babes” as a singular name, not once, not twice, but like seven times, and how did no one on the staff — not the editors, the director, the showrunners, anybody — even once say, “Why the goddamn hell is he calling her ‘Babes’ instead of ‘Babe’ like an actual human being would”?
    the attitude is clearly that this is a night time soap comic book show and people will watch it no matter what because batman, so we’re doing one draft, we’re not paying anyone for revisions, it doesn’t matter, just GO! film it!

    22. After Fish shoots Maroni, why does no one on either side try to shoot Don Falcone, the dude everyone needs to die, even though he’s tied up?
    they had so many other opportunities… why tie him up in the first place? JUST SHOOT HIM!

    23. So when the Penguin pushes Mooney off that ludicrously high wall into the Gotham harbor below… [puts on sunglasses] couldn’t you say Penguin caught Fish but then released her? [YEEEEAAAAAHHHHHH]
    yeah, since the actress has been so public about being done with the show, why not kill her in a more final way… but your pun is well seen.

    24. When Falcone suddenly decides to retire from being a crime lord, why does Gordon immediately shift gears from “You’re the only person who can keep Gotham from tearing itself apart” to “Enh, fuck it, I’m sure it’ll be okay.”?
    yeah, that was the moment for his “we need you” speech, but they were to lazy to write it, the actor probably doesn’t want to come back for season 2…

    25. And why does Jim Gordon suddenly not give a shit about the decades of crimes Falcone has committed as the head of the criminal underworld? So retiring somehow gives him a free pass?
    the Jim in this episode doesn’t match up well with Jim proper… he’s been out of character before, but it’s usually just one scene, not the entire damn episode!

    26. Why the fuck would Jim Gordon’s dad give a criminal like Falcone a knife other than the off chance that his son would become a cop, be forced by circumstance to partner with Falcone, and have Falcone develop a respect for the young lawman despite the fact Falcone is a goddamned criminal and Gordon is neither bright nor good at his job?
    Seriously. and they’ve mentioned Jim’s Dad like once, for a second, in like September or something… who can remember this shiz?

    27. After Ms. Kringle discovers Nygma’s not-at-all subtle clue in the fake Dougherty note, Nygma has a psychotic breakdown. Was this worth waiting 22 episodes for the Riddler to take the very first step towards becoming the Riddler? No it was not.
    f@ckin’ A. we learned NOTHING from this. we already knew he was crazy.

    28. When Bruce realizes Lucius Fox was giving him a clue by calling his father stoic, and then looking for famed stoic and Roman emperor Marcus Aurelius’s book of meditations, why does Bruce keep calling him “Marcus Roolius”?
    because this show sucks

    29. Is anyone surprised that Barbara killed her parents and not the Ogre? Yeah, I didn’t think so.
    sort of, but we already know she’s crazy, so it didn’t change her character

    30. However, why did the Ogre say “Who do you want me to murder?” if he was going to let Barbara do it?
    and why didn’t she pick Jim? or Leslie?

    31. Why does Barbara’s insistence that the Gotham City Police Department Medical Examiner, who also happens to be dating Barbara’s ex-lover, do her post-traumatic counseling, not raise any red flags for anybody?
    and why does Leslie agree? kinda makes Leslie just as crazy, but in a different way

    32. Why did Leslie go to Barbara’s apartment for a therapy session and stay there for like 12 hours? What are her rates?
    particularly when Leslie made it clear she hadn’t said anything in all that time. her rates are a $1.95 for the first minute, 95 cents each additional minute. CALL ME NOW!

    33. I know it worked out for Leslie, since Barbara was trying to murder her, but why on god’s green earth would Gordon, Bullock and Falcone go to Barbara’s apartment after their encounter with Fish and Maroni?
    because they said they were going to plan B, Barbara starts with B! the writers are genius! they couldn’t just have Leslie call Jim (Leslie’s phone doesn’t work?), it had to be surprise

    34. When Barbara was trying to murder Leslie, why did she continually growl like a dog?
    honestly, i think the actresses and the director thought it’d be funny. That’s how you indicate crazy!

    35. Doesn’t this mean that Jim Gordon named his daughter, the future Batgirl, after a psychotic ex-girlfriend who tried to murder one of his other girlfriends?
    but isn’t Barbara always… Barbara’s mom in Batman cannon? not that they can’t deviate, but why?

    36. Is that not the most fucked up thing that has happened in this entire series?
    depending on your definition of Fucked Up… i’m a logic lapse/no one can hit their target man myself.

    Like

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