So there’s this show, it’s called Gotham, and no matter how silly it gets, I can’t stop watching it. Homicide detectives investigating an armed robbery? Sure! Why not? Makes me want to take the Sheriff of Nottingham’s suggestion and cut my own heart out with a spoon because it’s dull and it’ll hurt more.
Rrrr… shouldn’t have used that analogy.
See, there’s synergy because the characters compare the Red Hood Gang to Robin Hood and Fish–
–cut one of her eyes out with a spoon instead of attacking the other orderly with it… she’d already elbowed one, she clearly knows how to fight, I don’t… why – logic – brain hurting…
Alfred got stabbed? Do you think he’s gonna die? Yeah, probably not! So maybe don’t make such a big dramatic thing out of it. Because there’s NO. DRAMA. IN. THAT. AT. ALL.
Stop it, just stop it! It’s like I spilled a bunch of bird food all over myself and my parrot is trying to eat it right off my shirt. He’d be pecking the hell out of me because he either doesn’t no or doesn’t give two flying monkey f@cks that I’m under the shirt! I’m under there! I’m watching this! Somebody fix this! Don’t let Baraba Soon To Be Gordan molest young Catwoman! “Two strange children are living in my apartment! Awesome, they’re giiiiiiiiiiiiiiiirrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrls! My character is CRA-ZA-HEE! Try on my clothes, I’m drinking during the day! I just switched from vodka (or gin) to wine! I’m inappropriate! Pay attention to me!”
Hey do any of the 57 (five thousand six hundred and eighty-two) police officers want to secure this crime scene? You know, the one where the cops just shot it out with bank robbers, all three of which are currently lying in a puddle of their own blood and various juices? (SECRET HERBS AND SPICES!) No? OK, we’ll just let any kid that wants to take one of the key pieces of evidence from this case, plop the ol’ Red Hood mask on his face and do something poetically dramatic LIKE TAKE A POOP IN IT AND MAIL IT TO THAT GUY’S GIRLFRIEND HE’S SO WORRIED ABOUT – GARNISH IT WITH OREGANO. Thanks for playing, good night everybody, pick up the home version of watching Gotham OUT OF YOUR TOILET WHERE POOP GOES THIS SHOW IS MAKING ME POTATO BALLS NUTS TO THE SIZ-ACK!